Monday, June 19, 2006

joie de vivre

I thought it was the end of a dream.. A dream of me playing football ever again in life...

"Your injury seems to be a ligament tear...It's pity that it occured to you?...You're so young. You may have to undergo a key-hole surgery. hmmm... Still it is difficult to regain the natural strength."

I listened to her calmly as though I was expecting it. Even before the match was played, I had a feeling of something bad going to happen. The night before it I had a pretty late sleep and I was a bit tired due to that. Probabily this lead to my hunch...As the word goes "your subconscious controls your life." So does mine.

I shed no tear. But it was a slap on my face as cold as it could ever get. If you wake up from a night mare you will feel a kind of relief, when you come to know that it was just a dream and you are pretty much the same as before. I tried to think of it as a nightmare. But it was never going to be one. All I could hear loudly in my ear, was the requiem of a dream, a dream of myself playing football ever again in life.

Some people would ask me "What did u get by playing this game. It has given you nothing but pain. You haven't gained anything but this handicap. You have been such a losser. Why dont you spend time on other things."
Yeah it's true. Football like any other sports has never given me anything in life worth mentioning to anyone. But playing it, has been my immense pleasure. Nevertheless I played in the so called best team of our batch (Kamikaze). It has indeed brought me some proud moments which I cherish so high in life...Besides this being a part of a game, a team would give you experience and joy worth reading a hundread books.

Two years have passed. A few days back I decided to give it a try once more. At first I was a bit apprehensive while striking a football. I had never thought such a day would ever come again and surely not this soon. Also my experience of playing in full court with studs(boots) is limitted to a handful of matches. But when I scored the first goal of that match that too right at the start of it, after 2 years of complete withdrawal, I realized it was a desire so deep in me, made all this possible. My legs were stronger than I expected. I have not grown that fat in my mind as I had thought.

I Know I would never be the same 'me' again after the accident. Miracles wont happen in real life. I still know my limitations ( psychologically as well as physically) .But I dont care whatever happens to me. I will never cry over my losses. I am happy as long as I am able to do the things I want to do.

---and to me that is the joie de vivre...Joy of living...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

aah!!!...ur xperience thrills me !!!

i think one day i too will bcome a star player :P

nice one duuude

8:36 PM  
Blogger main_sachchu_nadan said...

Wow dude..finally u won d war wid self. Bravo...Hats off 2 u!!!

8:36 PM  
Anonymous mathews said...

da ...anonymousee over aakkellade..
thanx for the comments..

8:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I realized it was a desire so deep in me, made all this possible..." its again 'mind controlling the body",right..:)..

keep dreaming and do write abt that we,'vayanakkar' get the pleasure of reading it..;)

9:07 PM  
Blogger Jithu said...

simply nice dude.. this is ur best post til now..

10:04 PM  
Blogger Bharathan Gopalakrishnan said...

Great job man!!! simply maarakam. (i never knew there was a Pulitzer winner in u ;) )

On a serious note, very happy to note that u r back on the pitch. it really is the beautiful game. Praying for more beautiful moments for u!!!


12:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

simply superb of the beauty of football is that u cant stop dreaming...and when you start to follow your dreams, absolutely no one can stop you...

and i have a tournament starting this weekend....i am going to read this blog before every match i play...thanks for that...


12:48 PM  
Blogger Manoj Johnson said...

great work modda!!
happy to know u started playing football again.
keep writing


2:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

aliyaaa simply ippolenikke manasilayi ni oru van van manushiyan aanu enne

ni oru kalikkaran matram alla nalle oru ezhuthakran aanu entha parayukka entahenkilum ee blog adipoli aayitunde....

ennee ninte swantham

maverick alias...... remaining u know....

4:22 PM  
Anonymous mathews said...

bg,thomas,gee-gee,maverik, and others..
thanx for ur wishes and encouragement..

8:18 PM  
Blogger Naresh said...

i am touched.would have loved to see the joy on u r face at that moment

10:26 AM  

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